3 Problems With Getting Your Value From Others
These are the three critical problems with receiving your value from others. The best thing you can do is to focus on yourself.
Society wants people to focus on external validation. External validation means that you get your value from others rather than from yourself. These are three problems with getting your value from others.
3 Problems With External Validation
People Pleaser
You may notice that you are a people pleaser. You care the most about satisfying others. You will likely never do the things you want to do if you continue to put others’ wants and needs before your own.
You fail to care for your needs by always caring more about others. Consequently, you may never achieve your goals because you devote your time to pleasing others.
This means you may go to a friend's house to take care of them first before taking care of yourself. You will spend your valuable time being directed by people who may use you for their gain.
Your actions are done to please others. You live to appease others even when it is detrimental to your well-being.
You never take action in your own life to do the things you want. You do not work to accomplish what you want in life.
You spend valuable time trying to please others instead of working to achieve your goals. Being a people pleaser holds you back from unleashing your full potential to the world.
Allow Others To Push You Around
You may allow others to push you around. It may be in your social life. You may also experience this in your professional life. Rather than standing up for yourself, you allow yourself to be bullied. People in your life may verbally, physically, or socially bully you.
You may continue to live in fear if you allow others to tell you what to do. By allowing others to control you, you can never direct your life. You can start to control your life by practicing self-responsibility.
It would help if you learn to play life by your own rules. You can just discover the rules that work for you that align with your skills. You can only get what you want out of life once you start taking action.
For most of my twenties, I allowed people to push me around. I let people do this since I lacked the speech skills to respond to others. I have had speech therapy since kindergarten. I allowed people with strong personalities and charisma to tell me what to do. I let these people use me for their self-interests rather than focusing on myself. It took me time to become comfortable with my minimal speech skills and lack of charisma. Yet many people are attracted to “celebrities” and “influencers” because they have charm. I am no longer in touch with anyone from my twenties. You will go through many acquaintances throughout life.
You must start to play offense rather than defense in your life. Set goals. Go after goals. Stand up for yourself.
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Do Not Develop Self-Confidence
You may discover that you need to develop self-confidence. You cannot build self-confidence when you get validation from others. You allow others to get in the way of your goals. You listen to others. You allow others to tell you what to do. You never take a risk, trust your gut, or learn the boundaries of what you can do. Those are three critical things that are required to develop self-confidence.
The best way to develop self-confidence is to take action each day to complete a goal. You can accomplish a goal by completing a smaller objective every day. Each of those small achievements adds over time. Your many small goals can accumulate to help you reach a major goal. You will slowly begin to build self-confidence as you reach your goals.
Solutions
The opposite of external validation is internal validation. These are three ways you can develop internal validation.
You can start to tell people, "No!" No is the most powerful word in the human language. It shows people that you have set boundaries. It also shows people you value your time.
Start to stand up to others. You can decide to get rid of any toxic and negative people in your life.
Set goals for yourself and work to reach them. As you achieve your goals, you will develop self-confidence.
Summary
External validation takes away your being able to direct your life. You become dependent upon others for your happiness. It is best to work to develop self-confidence, tell people "no," and set goals for yourself.
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