Friendship Evolution: 7 Red Flags Warning You To End A Friendship

Are you holding on to an old friendship from your past? How is that friendship negatively affecting the self you are working on becoming?

Mar 08, 2024

Letting go of old friends is powerful. As you evolve, many relationships will fade away. Do not be afraid to move on. Embrace new experiences and see where life takes you next. These are seven red flags warning you to end a friendship.

Friendships are like cigars in that they both have the power to add moments of pleasure and peace to our lives. A cigar's flavor profile can be simple or complex, and just like a cigar, a true friendship requires the right match to be enjoyable. It is the meeting of common interests and goals that can make a friendship a genuinely fulfilling experience.

And, just like every cigar that eventually goes out and ends up in the ashtray, many friendships also end.

Your Old Friends Hold You Back

Do you ever feel like your old friends are keeping you stuck in the past?

It is time to let go of what no longer serves you. Your past represents the old version of yourself. It is time to move on and embrace the new version of yourself.

Although you may have had things in common in high school, college, or when you met at a networking event, you may not have much to discuss if you were to meet again today.

There are several ways how old friends can continue holding you back:

Keeping you rooted in your past,
Reverting to the past version of yourself around old friends,
Having little or nothing in common,
Not wanting to start old or bad habits again,
Feeling exhausted by your past friends instead of energized,
Experiencing a one-sided friendship.

You have no obligations to old friends in your early life. But you can continue to hold on to the good memories.

You Become Stuck In Your Past

Staying in touch with old friends makes you remain grounded in your past. Often, people remain friends with their old buddies because of the nostalgia of the shared memories.

As you age, it is natural for your interests, friends, and self-development to change. Your views, interests, and overall life direction will also evolve. You may have little in common with your old friends.

This is perfectly normal, and it's okay to let go of a friendship based solely on nostalgia. Be bold, move on, and make new friends who share your interests and passions.

You Become The Old Version Of Yourself

When you talk with an old friend, you may revert to your old self. You might fall back into bad habits. Your old previous behaviors may resurface in an attempt to recreate the good times of the friendship. At this point, you have two choices: either remain stuck in your old self or embrace the new version of yourself.

When an old friend approaches you to reconnect, be aware that it could make you return to your past habits due to nostalgia. Falling back to your old self by reconnecting with a friend from your past can harm your well-being.

This can negatively affect your self-development. You have worked so hard to better yourself.

Source: Boston University of Public Health

You Are Afraid Of Returning To Your Old Habits

Your lifestyle and habits likely differed in your teenage, twenties, and adult years. Reconnecting with an old friend can degenerate you into a lifestyle you do not want.

You are falling back into your bad habits. You will discover that by degenerating into your old self, you may drink more, smoke again, or regress to the bad habit you both shared. It is those very habits that you may have spent breaking those bad habits.

Achieving your goals depends on developing good habits. Part of that means becoming comfortable making new friends and leaving your old friends in the past.

Removing one friend from my college years in New York City was hard for me. We went to cocktail lounges, and I taught him how to smoke a cigar. We had similar interests. The problem was that later, I would only receive messages from this old friend if I had been to any cool bars or loungers or tried a tasty whisky. The friendship was leading me toward alcoholism.

I had other priorities in my life. I cut him off to prevent me from spending money on always having to check out a new bar or buy an unconventional spirit.

Your No Longer Share Much In Common

It is common to outgrow old friendships when you and your friend no longer share common interests or paths.

As you evolve and mature, your worldview, interests, and skills may change, making it challenging to connect with old friends. This is particularly true if you have become more selective of your inner circle, pursued a new degree, started a new career, headed down a different life path, or started your own business.

Letting go of friends from your past decade or longer is a valid decision. Never feel wrong about ending a friendship.

Your Old Friends No Longer Energize You

When you reconnect with an old friend, the excitement and joy you once felt with them may no longer be present. Instead, you may feel drained and exhausted after spending time with them. Being around them makes you revert to your old self and leaves you feeling tired. It's as if they are sucking the energy out of you like a vampire sucks blood from its victim.

It's crucial to recognize how a friend affects you, regardless of the nature of your relationship:

Do you find yourself avoiding them and making excuses not to spend time with them?
Do you make a conscious effort to avoid spending one-on-one time with them?
Do you feel drained, exhausted, and unproductive after being around them?

A positive and healthy friendship should uplift you and help you become better. In return, you should do the same for your friend.

On the other hand, a friendship that makes you feel bad is toxic. Toxic friends are like poison, hindering you from achieving the new and improved version of yourself that you're striving for.

Your Priorities Have Shifted

Your priorities have changed since you were friends. You are now working towards different goals. These new priorities affect many aspects of your life, such as your daily choices, the people you choose to be in your inner circle, and your desire to find people working towards similar goals.

Your focus has shifted from living in the moment, such as in college, to focusing on long-term goals. You have become more aware of your choices and the direct consequences of each decision.

Rather than just seeking enjoyment and comfort, you are now accepting the hard decisions that require self-discipline and self-responsibility to reach your goals.

Your old friends may not share your new mindset or relate to your unique goals. However, you can work to find new friends who have similar goals and interests. In this sense, you should continue to invest in yourself.

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Summary

It is usual for friendships to change and sometimes end. It is okay to cut off contact or block a friend from your life if it is what you need for your well-being.

As you enter a new stage of life, connect with new people who share similar goals and interests. You can motivate and support each other on your journeys.

Do not hold onto old friendships that no longer serve you. Instead, focus on becoming the best version of yourself and building relationships with people who uplift and empower you.

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How are you allowing an old friendship to prevent you from reaching your goals?