The Hidden Power Of Learning To Say No
Do you tell people yes all the time? No is a powerful word. Here is why you should tell people no more often.
People are trained from a young age to obey. Part of obedience is saying yes to people and those in authority. Here is the hidden power of learning to say no and why you should tell people no more often.
Support A Relationship With Yourself
One of the most critical relationships anyone can have is the relationship with oneself. By being unable to say no to people and things that want your attention, you cannot pay attention to your needs.
You know that you are not meeting your needs. Society trains people from a young age that self-interest is selfish. In reality, it is natural. There is nothing wrong with focusing on your needs.
Embrace Self-Interest
“Man—every man—is an end in himself, not a means to the ends of others; he must live for his own sake, neither sacrificing himself to others nor sacrificing others to himself; he must work for his rational self-interest, with the achievement of his own happiness as the highest moral purpose of his life.” - Ayn Rand, The Virtue of Selfishness
Self-interest is what drives every person. You are, first and foremost, an individual. You must take care of your own needs first. Those needs include financial, health, and social. Only once you can take care of yourself can you truly begin to help others.
People are told to say no to their inherent self-interest. Only by saying yes to self-interest can you truly begin to know your strengths and weaknesses and discover the obsession you enjoy. You can then find a way to make money from your strengths and what you obsess over.
Society inverts this. People are told self-interest is evil. A person must look out for other people before themselves. Believe that the system has your best interest in mind and that going to college, working a job you hate, and eventually retiring is all that needs to be done to live a happy life.
Gain Back Control Over Your Life
Saying no to people and things that take your time allows you to regain control over your life.
Time is valuable. Treasure time. Work to make the most of it.
Regaining control over your time and life allows more time to go on a journey of self-discovery to learn about oneself. Learn your likes and dislikes. Discover what you love to do. You can then figure out how to do what you are passionate about over a lifetime. It will not feel like work because you enjoy it.
Stop allowing people to control you. Friendships. At the workplace. A romantic relationship. You are the one who must take back your life.
Discover More Time
You may be spending too much time doing things you do not enjoy or hanging out with people you do not like. You are doing it just to be thought of as excellent. Niceness is costing you time that could be spent on doing things to achieve your goals.
Discover more time to work on projects, better yourself, and do what makes you happy. Pursue your goals.
You can accomplish goals by saying no and caring about your valuable time. Rather than worrying about other people, set goals for yourself. Work hard and smart to reach them.
Learning to say no allows you to dedicate more time to the projects that bring you happiness. You are responsible for your happiness. No one else is.
Set goals. Work to accomplish them. Take small actions every day to make them a reality.
Establish Healthy Boundaries
Learn to set healthy boundaries in relationships. Boundaries can be placed in friendships and romantic relationships. Setting boundaries is healthy. By establishing boundaries with someone, you are telling them what is unacceptable and acceptable behavior. When you fail to speak out, you may find that people are mistreating or using you.
Set boundaries. Protect yourself from malicious people. Say no to people who may hurt you.
Opportunities That Do Not Interest You
There is nothing wrong with turning away opportunities that come your way that do not interest you. You would have no time if you said yes to every job interview, question in your inbox, and person you met. By saying no to specific opportunities, you are saying yes to the most interesting ones.
Those may offer the most growth, financial reward, mentorship, or other opportunities you want. There is nothing wrong with being picky.
Turn down interviews, job offers, and opportunities that you are not interested in. Dedicate your time to pursue what you are most passionate about. Find a position that allows you to do your best work.
Be Able To Do Your Best Work
The best way to do your best work is to understand your strengths and know what you are passionate about.
A job is just a job. It may be the bills (unless it is a dead-end job). If a job limits your ability to perform at your top level, is it worth the time and effort? There are always other opportunities.
I have worked too many dead-end jobs to count. Going to college and graduate school did not help me establish a career. The entire point of the modern education system is to direct people to begin down a career path. I have never been great at interviews due to my poor social skills. I would later discover that my inability to get any type of traditional job was related to my autism, which I was diagnosed with in my early thirties. It is now pretty well-known that people on the Aspergers/ASD spectrum fail job interviews.
The best way to do your best work may be to go into business for yourself. It may not be working for an employer. Figure out what you enjoy doing and if you would instead work for yourself and build a business or work for an employer. Whatever you choose, make sure you can do your best work.
Invest In Yourself
“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.” - Socrates
Invest in yourself. That means to work to know oneself. Know what you are best at. Find ways to make money from your strengths. There are many ways to focus on yourself to improve your life.
Some ways to invest in yourself are:
Self-education
Increasing your income
Improving your health
Focusing on relationships that matter
Being able to say no to people and things
Action and self-responsibility are required to invest in oneself. It is ultimately up to you whether you want to remain stagnant or find ways to improve yourself. Without action, knowledge is meaningless. It is by taking action that you work to better yourself.
Start small. Work to become one percent better in a particular area of life. Move on to the next area. Life is a journey.
Take Back Control Of Your Life
By saying no, you can take control of your life back! Ultimately, you are responsible for your life. That includes mistakes, regrets, bad choices, and decisions. Accepting self-responsibility over one’s life is freeing. Only by taking self-responsibility can you truly begin to direct your life.
Secure Single’s Algorithm recommends:
Summary
No is a powerful word. Do not be afraid to use it more often. It can save you time. It can allow you to better yourself.
Why not become a secure single?
How could you start to say no more often?
👉 If you enjoy this post, consider sharing it with friends! Or feel free to click the ❤️ button so more people can find it on Substack! Or, do both! 🙏